Recent thoughts on things...and things

This has been a long time coming actually. I've read once before in a Tom Clancy novel that we should take note of our thoughts so that we will at least remember it and take notice of it, and thus it has been a long time since I wanted to write this down. However, as a disclaimer, this is my personal thoughts on events that have transpired thus far and I know that I am responsible for it. Do not quote me out of context and if you do want to quote me, do ask me so that I can further clarify my stand on certain things. I am not responsible for a misinterpretation as my state of reference might be different than someone else.

• Education, the value of knowledge.

I have been an international student in the US for 2 years now, and this will probably be my 3rd year and last year of study in the US, or then again probably not. I am thinking of applying to graduate school here in Purdue after having had the chance to see their system, and I really like it here. Why?

Liking a place is akin to feeling right at home, and even though my home is with my parents in Malaysia, I can't help but like the fact on how people value education and knowledge in this so-called university town. The community here highly regards intellectual people - the students, the professors, all manners of people whether it being clerical staff or construction workers, all of them are treated with a high degree of respect, and even though in these economic times, people are struggling to get money, they don't show that aspect of capitalism so much. It might be because of their economic value being higher than ours, but nevertheless they don't succumb to it as so much as we are.

In Malaysia, the education field is hardly treated with the same degree as it is right here. For one, the education system back home feels like a cover up of a political system, one that is corrupted by greed. People talk about being taking a PhD just in order to get more salary, and to get paid sabbatical and traveling around the globe, being head of departments and a pioneer in the country, but none of that rings to me just like the winds on an open prairie field. No, I want none of that. I do not want fame nor fortune, only enough for me and my family to get by, and enough for me to contribute back to the community. People forget the satisfaction that comes with such an endeavor. People forget that what we are doing is not only for ourself, but also for the next generation and the generation after that. And most of all, people forget, that without education, man is naught but a savage beast in the playground we call Earth.

• Politics, the promises and the art of a con.

Personally, I hate politics. It gets in the way of everything, and the nonsense that entails is purely stupid. I guess most of everybody knows of what I feel, and it couldn't be help with. As humans, there are certain limitations to what we can and cannot do, to what we are able and not able to achieve. And in order to call upon order the people beside us, we make promises of grandeur and glory, which can only be achieved upon total cooperation. But no, total cooperation is an idealism, one that we could and can not afford in the multiple branching backgrounds of each individual. Thus, we see upon politics as an idealism to impose structure that we can not afford, impose order that we can not achieve, and impose direction that we have only for a short term.

Rarely do we understand the other side of the shoe. The politician.

Here is an individual, who beyond his own personal duty to himself and probably his closest, stands up above the crowd to bring forth an idea, a direction and a dream, to manage the crowd from being savage to orderly. That same individual looks as if he governs the crowd, yet at the same time, the mechanism if properly understood, is also true the other way around. The crowd governs the politician. Thus it is this conundrum that governs the group called a nation, where the politician becomes the leader who governs the government body overlooking the populace, while at the same time the populace keeping the leaders in check with their votes of confidence upon the leaders. A system of check and balances. Or so what is told by words, an idealism representation of what can be, more akin to what should be since it is not represented wholly in reality.

The crowd governs the politician.

We mock the politicians who leads us astray to what we want rather than what we need, and to the leaders who is wholly bent on his idea of progress without properly representing what the nation had been as constituted by the nation's own constitution and constituency. What had been good for us has been misdirected in order to "follow" the advancement of time, regardless of anything else. We have been brainwashed by promises of grandeur from other nations' own way of progress, thus beginning the decline of our own identity in order to imitate what others are, comparing and assimilating each of us to them at every arm's length of time. Yet, throughout the ordeal, some started to voice out their worries only to be diminished due to the lack of courage to become one's own leader. That is who we are. The backstage crowd, the average citizen who only thinks of finger-pointing others just in case should a mistake, an error in calculation occurs.

Back to my side, I hate politics. When a colossal amount of money goes toward developing something that is wanted but not needed, I can't help but feel betrayed. Here I am, once told to value patriotism and the nation's identity, once told to remember to serve my own nation, once told to be responsible not only to myself, but also to every common citizen, the taxpayers who helped fund my studies abroad; here I am, reading the absurd news happening back home, hearing stories that are not supposed to be happening in the professional level, and frankly, I feel betrayed and pissed.

Why? Because it does not make sense. How can a man, who clearly feeds off of other peoples' money and other peoples' issues, neglect them and pursues nothing more than a personal glory and gets away with it? Clearly the gamut of people back home has only greed stamped on their eyes. In my opinion, even though we originally set the goal of Vision 2020, we should only refer it as a guideline, not an absolute necessity. If we are to pursue that goal, we should pursue it with caution and trepidation. If we are to really want 2020 so badly, is it necessary to neglect our human capital growth? Yes, 2020 is just 10 years away and to reach our original goal, business and commerce is the fastest shortcut, but what then? After 2020, what then? Will there be a generation gap of economic inequality within the population, where the rich is richer and the poor is poorer? Where then will the middle-class be? What then will the nation become? Will we be so business focused that we forget to develop ourself, knowledge-wise, culture-wise and social-wise?

I hate politics. But here is my advice, the crowd DO govern the leaders. Without the many, the few is just....well....few.

Recently, I have thought over my plans for the future. And pretty much went over the numerous things that I could do, sort of doing multiple scenarios of simulations inside my not-so-powerful brain.

As a background to why, it is because I am the tipping point of my career in life, my senior year in Purdue, choosing whether or not to follow my interest in renewable energy and learning, or to follow the industry route. Choosing a life of another 5 years of learning alone or finding a suitable partner with me to bring stateside, or just settling down and working to eventually getting married.

Problem is, I DO LIKE learning. I like them as challenges in my life, learning something new, putting value on knowledge earned and being satisfied overcoming the challenges that come with it. But then, learning would not benefit me if I were already given a position in the industry, in this desperate economic times. Then there is also the problem of choosing how far do I want to learn, masters or PhD? Dr. Muhammad Aizuddin Zulkifli does sound kinda weird but I can get used to it though.

And so...the conundrum of dilemma begins. Right now, my mind is set to pursue PhD (probably) while also taking on internships when available in between semesters so I can get the best of both worlds. And if possible, probably finding a life partner to help me along emotionally during my tenure in learning.

There are other things I will post, most likely later..of the problems I've been thinking of regarding the learning system, comparing why Purdue and not Malaysia, regarding my feelings towards certain recent directions Malaysia has taken, among others.

But now....now, is the time to sleep.