Ex-Patriot

Irony.

Most of my past "future" plans seems to take a new form in and by itself. Circumstances change, options unravel, opinions differ. I changed.

Back in school, my utmost priority was get done with university so that I could have an income of my own and start living by my own will. A steady income, a secure job, a person to rely on, a contempt lifestyle...kinda like the American dream. I thought then and there that my path has been laid for the 5 years it needed me to get to that end point.

Funny how things have become. Lots of things have changed since then and I am setting my goals anew constantly. Where previously I never even wanted to go to graduate school, now I see it as an opportunity and a goal since I have none other as my utmost concern. Where previously I'd gladly come back to Malaysia to reside in, now I feel hesitant to go back knowing how liberal minded people are held back and change is negligible in the mentalities of the many. As pessimistic as it sounds, I feel that it is not worth it to even come to the States knowing that these issues will come up in my future.

It is like I am moving up dangerous rapids and I am only but a few who are in the same predicament. It is inevitable. This has made me think: why do I even bother doing my best, when all is just the way it is? There is no progress whatsoever, no changes for the better, only a constant player in the dynamic world. Why do I resist from being idle? Not to say that I will be idle because of this, but I hope to understand it and fortify myself with the understanding. I aim not to be one more rock or pebble in the base of the river, sitting silent amongst the moving waters, but at least be the entity that leaves its mark on the river as a whole, helping it change direction to be better and more efficient.