It's not that we intentionally lie to ourselves, but more to it being a subconscious event going on at the back of our temple without us realizing it. We want to act one way, but we do the other. And when we do the other, we tell ourselves that it was better to do the way of the first after all. It does not make sense, but we ask ourselves this question: does it have to make sense at all?
I don't know where this thought comes from as of late, but it has been bugging me quite so often. I tell to myself, why am I learning to become an engineer, when sometimes it would have been more interesting if I were something else, say like an artist, a poet or a musician? Other than that, I also feel that I am having a conflict of identity where one wants no more than to be docile, and the other to be let free and crazy. Sometimes I feel like just staying away from everything and everyone for the fear of being tied down to the fabrics of society's judgmental law. But at the same time too, I want to be the one who can control the flow of the society in order to benefit all.
I guess, the world is full of contradictions. Best of all, I know I am not alone. Somewhere and sometime, there are also people like me. We are the contradictions in the society, but also a conformer since it might also have been this way from the start and our purpose is as such.
I don't know..it kinda makes sense then, but now it doesn't.
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